"-The attempt to impose upon man, a creature of growth and capable of sweetness, to ooze juicily at the last round the bearded lips of God, to attempt to impose, I say, laws and conditions appropriate to a mechanical creation, against this I raise my swordpin-"

Happy Hour Ends In Boxer/Brief Clad Gang Fight

Went to saddle ridge with the wife and some of our friends/co-workers last night, they got shitty drunk at happy hour and I somehow ended up in my under ware getting chased by gangsters on the waterfront. Just another fine example that BAD BAD things happen to you when you are sober. Oh I've learned from my mistake.

So to start, because I ramble, and there's no WAY that top paragraph is enough explanation of last night. Jess and I hit Saddle Ridge at 6:15 maybe 6:20, my wife who only drinks on occasion was L.I.T. by 7, that's right 7. ...And in the bathroom graciously giving back to the earth not 10 minuets later. But she's a trooper!!! She was still down to party...all...night.

We hung around 4th st, until the strippers got up and started dancing in the bar, that was a pretty clear indication that happy hour was over and sad hour was about to begin, this was no longer an "after work festivity" and everyone was "very drunk". There were admitted multiple plots to hook two of the co-workers up with one another. It was time to go.

It took us way to long to try to get everyone to the elevator and when we finally did it literally refused to take us to the right floor!!! The elevator had a personal vendetta with Mandy and desperately wanted to lock her inside it's steel jaws and entrap her while laughing like a maniac.
Andy was virtually IMPOSSABLE to wrangle to the car, (which we had to walk to, have you ever WALKED UP a parking garage?) He kept rabidly ranting about this insidious urge he had to walk by the river.

Andy: "cummon guuuies les go walkin by tha RIVER!!...We gotta go to the RIVER. Wudnt egh be fun ta gooo walk by the RIVER!!!"
and so forth, and so on.

At this point we were approached by security, who i ensured that I was sober (WTF?) and that we were happely leaving his nice quiet parking garage as soon as we could find the FREAKIN CAR.

So to apease Andy we headed to the waterfront, at which point we all decided to go swimming in the fountains. What a blast. Thats all I'm saying about that. You don't need to know much more, I ended up in my under ware in the fountain.

We were pulling things together and heading back to the car, when G-Dogg-Thug-Homie BASTARD comes barraling down the road in his Cadalic and nearly hit my wife while we were standing by the car. I steped out in the road and fussed at him to slow down and watch were he was going, at which point the car swerves and pulls over, two black men hop out and proceed to track me and andy down, with the definate intent to start some SERIOUS SHIT. Well I've never been one to back down to a good fight, O wait YES I HAVE. I ran...like a schoolgirl...In my underware...sokeing wet...sober as a hindu friggin cow. But were all safe, theres a lil more to tell but you just had to be there, and perhaps it's better forgotten at this point anyway.

So what did we do next?
DRENCHED,
regaining our wits after a gang war,
still buzzing a little.

We went to Waffle House
I put my pants on in the parking lot,
we driped all over the floor,
Andy after airing out his wet dollar bills for the waitress, put on his wet black dress socks on, at the diner table, while loudly apoliguising to the table across from us and explaining our adventures.
Chocolate chip waffels and Coffee.
Everybody returned safley to their cars,
Sleep.

I bet I feal more hung over than anyone else and I didn't ever drink, I'm at work at 745 A.M.
but I've learned from my mistakes.
and so forth, and so on.

Jezuspizza when will the managers learn not to send out companywide e-mails about the corn hole tournament being held behind the garage this afternoon.
I can audibly hear people laughing while sending back and forth e-mails in reply to one another that say such things as:
“Corn hole? Like there not fucking us hard enough already!!!”
Or
“Corn hole...behind the garage.....That’s what she said!!”
But she never said that.
Or perhaps the old favorite,
“Company Corn hole, isn’t that a double negative.”

Thought there are a few women at this company that I’m sure could really toss a sack. And that’s not a sexist statement either. There’s plenty of men at this company that know their way around a sack too. Anyway...enough about testicles, I’m getting off topic.

So perhaps there’s a generation gap here and our forefathers didn’t experience the same so called “social pressures”(bullshit cop-out as-it-may-be) Perhaps there is a generation wide disease affection all of us, but am I alone to suggest that to play corn hole enjoyably* one must consume a certain amount of ethyl based alcohol?

*(enjoyable is used in this context as an extension of fun, a duration. It is quite obvious that one can have “fun” while playing corn hole sober, however to play for an extended time and for the events to remain enjoyable, in this context it is suggested that alcohol consumption is a must.)

So, to conclude, this sentence will have too many commas, but that’s O.K. because I’m just not sure exactly, how to end it, and that’s not an issue, however…

I'll never smoke weed with Willie again,

OK so I've never smoked with Willie, but I'll never drink Budweiser with Zach again, especially after eating at the La Rosita taco stand.
The food was AMAZING, however after a night of hanging out and watching movies and drinking Budweiser which does not wanna sit well with the particular hot sauce I ingested
(I'll never make that mistake again),
my esophagus feels as though NAPALM would actually cool it!!!
Holy cow, and I'm drinking coffee, cause...well I'm not the brightest tool in the pencil box.
I did how ever discover in my altered state what the best thing since sliced bread is though. but I'll save that for another day.
And by the way...sliced bread...not so cool... Just a thought there.


So I was walking the Iguana when the farmer looked over and said, "Not today Buck, not today"


And on top of all that hullaballou, friggin Paul Newman is gonna die, and quite frankly I'm upset about this.

Prayer For Coexistent Unity

Acceptance is finally near,
Trumpets of love I can hear,
Tolerance of each other, not fear.
Along the dusty road.

The sounds of despair shall pass,
Peace shall grow like grass,
No barrier of hate shall last.
On mountain high nor valley low.

Child of God, come one or all,
Together we stand, together we fall,
My hand and yours shall tear the wall.
As one we'll carry the load.

And as the world continues to turn,
Bridges we've walked on will fall and burn,
Lessons in life we all will learn,
Yet together hand in hand we shall go.

On the day of my birth, April 3rd, after the fireworks were over, long after the festivities settled and folks headed back to their caves...

A she wolf named Darhma cradled me under the crescent moon and whispered the lullaby that is my name, softly, sweetly,

Surrender me to the night,
Angels spread wings and take flight,
This moment as any is right,
Carry me to a land of clean sight.

The trees did nothing,
the wind did not blow,
the earth did not shake,
no one cared.

And what a beautiful thing that is.

I have absolutely nothing witty or funny to say so feel free to stop reading this at any point you like. Very much enjoying the new position at the local music store in which I work. Lots of exciting opportunity's. Thinking of putting together an actual band......maybe. So anyway. I've got nothing else, just figured it had been to long since the last entry, but whats it matter anyway when no one is reading it.
GB

Maybe I'm crossing the line here. But I want EVERYONE that reads this to know I'm ABSOLUTELY FED-UP with e-mails of this nature. People to quickly forget that the Native Americans were perfectly happy before we brought them smallpox and the industrial revolution. We are all immigrants to this country. Who the HELL do we think we are to call for the government to "Clean Up The Bird Feeder" How appalling and disrespectful. I'm petitioning you to help me STOP e-mails like this by suggesting that you actually read them before you send them. and if you disagree with the subject, tell the person who forwarded it to you and don't pass it on. I LOVE MY COUNTRY enough that I want this to STOP. I'm tired of this hateful attitude towards immigrants, it absolutely sucks. If you have a problem with the way things are run remember you family were immigrants as well and you are welcome to go back to your home country. I love the melting pot I live in. I'm proud to see people waving flags of other nations and it warms my heart when I walk through the grocery and hear 5 different languages. I'm proud to have assisted refugees from war torn country's, and helped them make a life in the United States of America. It just makes me feel that much better when I pull up to my house and see my American flag out front flying free, and glorious


Proud to be a loving Christian American

Graham Bain

The following e-mail is the one i received today. Appalling as it is.

I bought a bird feeder. I hung it on my back porch and filled it with seed. What a beauty of a bird feeder it is, as I filled it lovingly with seed. Within a week we had hundreds of birds taking advantage of the continuous flow of free and easily accessible food. But then the birds started building nests in the boards of the patio, above the table, and next to the barbecue. Then came the poop. It was everywhere: on the patio tile, the chairs, the table . everywhere! Then some of the birds turned mean. They would dive bomb me and try to peck me even though I had fed them out of my own pocket. And others birds were boisterous and loud. They sat on the feeder and squawked and screamed at all hours of the day and night and demanded that I fill it when it got low on food. After a while, I couldn't even sit on my own back porch anymore. So I took down the bird feeder and in three days the birds were gone. I cleaned up their mess and took down the many nests they had built all over the patio. Soon, the back yard was like it used to be.... quiet, serene and no one demanding their rights to a free meal. Now let's see. Our government gives out free food, subsidized housing, free medical care, and free education and allows anyone born here to be an automatic citizen. Then the illegals came by the tens of thousands. Suddenly our taxes went up to pay for free services; small apartments are housing 5 families; you have to wait 6 hours to be seen by an emergency room doctor; your child's 2nd grade class is behind other schools because over half the class doesn't speak English. Corn Flakes now come in a bilingual box; I have to "press one" to hear my bank talk to me in English, and people waving flags other than "Old Glory" are squawking and screaming in the streets, demanding more rights and free liberties. Just my opinion, but maybe it's time for the government to take down the bird feeder. If you agree, pass it on; if not, continue cleaning up the poop!

Spinelli's pizza is tha shit.

AGHHHHHH....


Another day in the neighborhood.
J&L dropped by this morning kept me company for a while during the slow opening hours. Nothing intresting or flashy to say. check back later.
OH....!!! "The Man" just walked in with a PS2 and Rockband. I probably won't be writign on here later. I'm getting payed to play video games today!!

Dear Emergancy Medical Service Employee:

As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future. Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the current fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.
This program will be known as SLAP (Sever Late-Aged Personnel). Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company. SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place.
This review phase of the program is called SCREW. SCREW (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Early Workers). All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.
This appeal is called SHAFT (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination). Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate. If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get:
HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment). As HERPES and CLAP are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received HERPES or CLAP will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company. Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our:
Special High Intensity Training (SHIT). We take pride in the amount of SHIT our employees receive. We have given our employees more SHIT than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough SHIT on the job, see your immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the SHIT you can stand. And, once again, thanks for all your years of service with us.